With Every Inhale of Smoke Something is Damaged, With Every Exhale Something is Lost

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Seven Different Kinds of Smoke is a collection of short stories by Roman St. James.

Seven stories to be exact. They all focus on some kind of hardship or harmful element. 

The first is 'The Greenest Grass', and tells the story of Tasha Evans- who is a transgender man born into a woman's body. 

First Sentence:

"Tasha Evans stared at her face in the mirror and wondered what it would be like to no longer exist."

He always knew he was interested in women, but considered himself gay for the longest time, having never made the connection between wondering what it would be like to be a man and actually being one. 

Growing up in Mississippi, this alone would cause friction between him and a lot of the residents, but adding to that his African-American race and there's a lot of bigotry thrown in his face. Through the story we get a view of his past and a glimpse of things to come. He has a plan, but how much is he willing to sacrifice to make it happen? This is a story about identity.

The second is 'Seven Different Kinds of Smoke', the namesake for this book.

First Sentence:

"Kenya Watkins was nervous."

This story provides an explantation of the 'seven different kinds of smoke', though they're pretty interchangeable. The seven different kinds of smoke are just different (and more specific to the characters of this book) names for the seven deadly sins, mixed in with some life lessons to help deal with them. What's important to note, is that while 'smoking' harms the 'smoker', it also harms those around them. Other people's 'sins' can harm others, whether intentional or not. 

Here we meet Kenya Watkins- a twenty-nine year old woman with an eventful past, of which several events have unfortunately been plastered over the news. She's sitting in a cafe contemplating the bottle of pills in her pocket, when an old woman joins her, claiming she is one and the same person and is here to save Kenya from herself.

As with any sane person, Kenya 1 does not believe Kenya 2's story and so decides to test her with a series of questions, ones only she knows the answers to. If Kenya 2 can pass the test, she'll listen to anything the old woman has to say.

In 'Babble' Angela and Jack are a married couple with communication problems. 

First Sentence:

"The woman, Angela, walked into her home and dropped her purse on the dining room table."

They're trying to get through them and listen to each other better and more and are a prime example of how one small misunderstanding can lead to serious repercussions. 

Next up is 'Leap Frog', a story about Alexandra 'Alex', who believes she turns men into frogs with a kiss.

First Sentence:

"So do you want to play, or what?" Blue asked Alexandra."

She and her girlfriend are visiting Dr.Phillip Sanford, for help with their relationship. The problem it seems, stems from this belief. Alex isn't so sure she's gay, but she has sworn off men, after turning one too many of them into amphibians. Dr. Sanford has his work cut out for him.

'A Void of Sorts' is the story of Marie, a woman who has just lost her son.

First Sentence:

"One day you have a son."

A son she doted on a treasured, as all mothers do. She had always wanted a child, but had no partner of her own, so spent her savings in sperm banks. After that failed, she went 'bar hunting', looking for a suitable man (physical features wise), with the best genetics, that she could use to get her pregnant. After a few failed attempts, she finally managed it, and now her precious son is gone. Hell hath no fury like a mother.

The penultimate story is 'The Tell Tail Tale'. 

First Sentence:

"Ding Dong."

We meet a grandfather babysitting his twin, seven-year-old grandsons and making up a bedtime story for them. He is a little upset with the man his son has become- or rather where his son's values lie, so the story he tells his young grandsons, is his son's. Not that they know that.

The last story is 'Elevation'. 

First Sentence:

"Mrs. Alberta Terrell Henderson woke up and looked at her clock."

Mrs. Alberta Terrell Henderson has sold or given away all of her possessions. Her beloved husband died a year previously and she is 'going to meet him'. When her daughter shows up confused by the movers, Alberta finds herself with an extra person for the 'journey'. Her daughter, afraid of what her mother's ambiguous words mean, decides to follow her and make sure she doesn't do anything stupid. 

Despite her probing questions, her mother remains vague, and keeps repeating the same phrase as an explanation, without much detail. All her daughter can do is tag along and try to keep her mother safe. 

An interesting range of topics are explored in these seven stories. Some bittersweet, some humorous and some hateful. That's one of the good things about collections of short stories- there's usually something for everyone. 

The stories can be about a lot of uncomfortable topics. For example hate crimes. Most of the stories centre around women. Every main character is black and a couple are gay. All three are hot topics that can draw a lot of bigotry. In some of them, it provides a very raw and real perspective and we get a good story out of it. But I found myself wondering if it was necessary for every story to centre around a particular race. I want to point out now that I have absolutely no problem with any race. I'm not against any skin colour, hair colour, religion, sexuality, gender, etc, what I'm interested in is the person. 

So, would it have made any difference if some of the character's race was different? There are a few stories where race doesn't really play a part. Perhaps leaving some of the character's features deliberately vague might've been a better option. Rather than making this a book about seven stories of seven black people, I think it could reach a larger audience if it was simply seven stories about seven people. There's always the danger of putting yourself into a too specific niche. 

And these stories are worth reading. They all have interesting things to say and their own points of view. I can see what the author was trying to achieve by making all the characters black, but I think a little more subtlety could make this an amazing book. Rather than simple saying 'this person is African-American', allow the description to convey the same thing. Through the culture and the environment. If this had been one story, the method used would've fine. But when each time you start a new story and immediately see 'this person is black' it can get a little tedious and repetitive. Instead, work it into the story. Something along the lines of 'so-and-so always faced prejudice because of the colour of their skin'. It gets across the same point without being quite so blunt about it. Allow the reader to make the connection themselves.

Other than that, I did enjoy these stories. If I had to pick a favourite it would be either 'The Greenest Grass'- which deeply explores the subject of a person's identity or 'Leap Frog' for the comedic (though slightly dark when I think about it) tones. If you're wondering whether to pick this up, as I said earlier, short stories almost always have something for everyone.

Disclaimer: I received this book from the author through a giveaway. This is not a sponsored review. All opinions are 100% my own.

How Many Ways Can You "Go Out in Style"?

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Going Out in Style by Daniel Kelley is a collection of six short stories, each centred around the title theme, 'Going Out in Style', whether for better or worse. There are various directions and meanings one phrase can have and six of them are explored in these stories.

In the first, 'Performer', Thomas L. Blatten is being 'let go' from the Philharmonic Orchestra he's been with for 42 years.

First Sentence:

"A man shouldn't have to read his own obituary."

Playing fourth chair French horn was not something he saw himself doing for so long, but when he won the job all those years ago, he couldn't be bothered to go through it all again and 'got stuck'. 

At 65, he wonders what's in store for him now. What does his future hold? As his final concert plays, he criticises aspects of his life and the people in it, all with a cynical flair. He relives moments of his life, getting this job, meeting his wife, his children and ponders the future with a bleak, monotone voice.

But Thomas has a plan for his final performance. He intends to be remembered. 


In 'Bathtub Ripples', 37-year-old Andie is running herself a bath, enjoying the luxurious sensations and the joy it brings. 

First Sentence:

"The bathtub was almost ready, the flow from the old brass faucet now churning deeply into water instead of splashing onto cold porcelain."

As the story progresses, her mind turns to the past. Her failed relationships and her childhood up to the life she now leads. What starts off as a light story about simple pleasures, takes a darker turn.


The third story, 'Getting to Know You', finds an author on a book tour. 

First Sentence:

"I had finished my reading, my talk, and then the question-and-answer session, the most harrowing segment of the three."

All he wants is for it to be over so he can go home. He's uncomfortable in public and around people in general, so distances himself with arrogance and vanity. 

After the final signing, a woman approaches him on the street as he waits for the valet to bring his car round. She claims to be a fan, but his demeanour instantly causes problems. But her wit is a match of his own and she refuses to back down. 

Fascinated and terrified by this brazen woman, with no qualms about giving him a piece of her mind, he begins to open up. This only leads to further intrigue, as revealing anything about himself is an incredibly rare event. Does he want that to change?


'Thinking Back' is a story that tells exactly the way its title would imply. 

First Sentence:

"A man rode by me on a bicycle."

Beginning on a Saturday, it works backwards to Wednesday, revealing the answers in its wake. 

Maddie and her husband Dave are enjoying some family time with their two children, when the police knock on their door. One of their neighbours, a good friend of theirs, is dead. Murdered. A few quick questions and the policewoman asks them to get in touch if they remember anything that could help with the case. 

As the days rewind, the 'who' and the 'why' take form and the inevitable truth comes out. 


In the penultimate story, 'Doing It All', we meet Simon Oddgrove.

First Sentence:

"Simon Oddgrove was lying on his bed, thinking."

A very 'go with the flow' kind of man, he's never put too much thought into anything. Decisions are something he doesn't do, preferring to leave it to chance or someone else.

Growing up close to his Aunt Nettie, she is the relative he stays in touch with most frequently. When he was younger, she labelled him 'a boy of potential', something he has never forgotten. In the past, she has met exactly three of his girlfriends, two of which ended the relationship shortly after. The third, Etheline, is his current girlfriend and his aunt and her get along peachy. 

But Simon hasn't been returning either of their calls. He's been forced to make a decision and is unsure of what to do. Having never made a decision in his life, this is too much for him to handle. So he shuts himself off from the world and lies on his bed, thinking.


The final story is 'A Child's Game'. 

First Sentence:

"It had taken nearly an hour and a half, but I'd found it."

It tells the story of Janice and her complicated love-triangle, built from lies and false promises. She finally understands the reality and is looking for closure. All it takes is a little paper and some scissors. 


An enjoyable set of stories, with some similar plots, but each with their own individuality, while still maintaining the connection to the others. The emotions range from heartwarming to heartbreaking and a lot of the stories centre around regrets and how people react to them, deal with them or don't. 

Each story is broken up into sections, often three, much like a script. Act One, Act Two and Act Three and (as is tradition) a little more is revealed in each part. It's an interesting style to incorporate into a short story, but it works very well. 

I thoroughly enjoyed this short book. If I had to pick a favourite, it would be 'Bathtub Ripples'. The description of the perfect bath is fantastic and the direction the story takes is a perfect mix of chilling, uncomfortable and inevitable bittersweetness. I found myself cringing with the description and naively hoping for an alternate outcome. All this in eight (Kindle) pages. 

With five other stories, there's bound to be at least one, if not more, for everyone. 

Disclaimer: I received this book from the author through a giveaway. This is not a sponsored review. All opinions are 100% my own.

And That Was When I Knew, It Was Already Too Late (The End of Everything)

So, my next review is of the book,  "The End of Everything", by Megan Abbott (not to be confused with Meg Cabot- who wrote the "Princess Diaries" series). "The End of Everything" was published this year, 2011.

   First Paragraph:

"She, light-streaky out of the corner of my eye. It's that game, the one called Bloody Murder, the name itself sending tingling nerves shooting buckshot in my belly, my gut, or wherever nerves may be. It's so late and we shouldn't be out at all, but we don't care."    

  Amazon / Amazon.co.uk

In its most basic form, it is a coming of age story, mixed with a young girl's disappearance and the aftershock that follows, all told from the point of view of 13 year-old, Lizzie. Now, the book is all in 1st person, so normally, as readers, we would connect ourselves with the storyteller and become the main protagonist, taking their place as the story unfolds. But with Lizzie, I always felt a distance and -even though every page is filled with "I's" and "me's"- I felt like Lizzie was exactly what she was, another character. It felt very much like reading about some one's life in the newspaper or a magazine. Your presence is non-existent. 

Now, for those of you who enjoy knowing (as I most certainly do) here is the blurb from the book:

"In a placid 1980s suburb in the Midwest, thirteen-year-old Lizzie Hood and her next-door neighbor Evie Verver are inseparable, best friends who swap bathing suits and field hockey sticks and between who there are, presumably, no secrets. They live in the shadow of Evie's glamorous older sister, Dusty, who, at seventeen, gives them a glimpse of the exotic, intoxicating life that might lie ahead. To Lizzie, the Verver household, presided over by Evie's bighearted father, is the world's most perfect place.

And then, one afternoon, Evie disappears. The only clue: a dark car Lizzie spotted driving past the two girls earlier in the day. As a rabid, giddy panic spreads through the quiet community, Lizzie finds herself in the spotlight, surrounded by those who want answers. Was Evie unhappy, troubled, upset? Had she mentioned being followed? Would she have gotten into the car with a stranger? Would she have gotten into the car with a man?

Lizzie takes up her own furtive pursuit of the truth, spending her days with a shell-shocked Mr. Verver and her nights prowling through backyards, peering through windows, and pushing herself to the dark center of Evie's world. Tormented by dreams of her lost friend, titillated by her own position at the heart of the disappearance and its investigation, Lizzie begins to wonder if she knew anything about her best friend at all. Haunting, vivid, and utterly unforgettable. "The End of Everything" explores the mysterious, powerful pull of young girls discovering their sexuality, and its reverberations in the world around them."

Right, now that you know exactly what the book is about, onto the review. It may seem obvious after having read the blurb, but right from the very beginning there is a strong sense of impending doom that is never shaken. A large part of it may be the subject matter, but I think it's also very much connected to Abbott's writing style. It all seems very bleak, like the atmosphere in a Tim Burton movie. You can't help but feel that something is very wrong. Another reason behind this may also be the description of every child in this book as a sexually frustrated teen or tween. I know thirteen is the beginning of the teens and all the changes that come with it, but usually it'll take the form of an innocent crush (at least for most girls) on a classmate or a member of a boy-band. But in this book, Abbott expresses her characters as almost sex-starved. Getting horny at every little thing and touching themselves at night. Maybe it's just me, but this seems a little early in their lives. I can't speak from a male point of view, but the behavior of the girls seems more fitting with girls who are a couple of years older. I know from my view, they will seem so much younger than they are. And at thirteen you do feel grown-up and life full of possibilities, but some girls haven't even hit puberty at this point. To me these scenes of the book just made me cringe. It seems wrong for it to put scenes in your head of a thirteen-year-old girl pleasuring herself. And no, it's not because I have anything against somebody masturbating or having sex (I have no issue with it in other content), but purely because of their ages. Yes, a coming-of-age story is about discovering your sexuality and noticing those of others around you, but it's the age of innocence still as well. Isn't that why they call it "Puppy Love". It should be love in its purest meaning. Or maybe I'm just being overly naive. 

Anyway, the start of the novel is a little confusing. There are a lot of ideas and fragments of stories darting around the place, never settling. Frequent flashbacks make it a little difficult to tell which parts of the story are taking place in the present, but once the first few chapters have passed, the flashbacks get less frequent and the story starts to take shape.

As I stated earlier, there is an ominous feeling to the whole novel, with the ever so slightly creepy writing style and the speculations that the characters make. How some of the girls just look at the disappearance as delicious gossip and a way to slander their missing friend. One girl even mentions a snuff film, which takes the book to a whole new level of unsettling.

I do have to say though that, even with all the theories going on and whichever one you choose to believe, the story is told in such a way that -even when all evidence points to one fact- there is always doubt. The truth dangles just out of your reach, occasionally throwing little pieces of the puzzle at you, but never letting you get enough of the picture to see it for what it is.

Another aspect that I found uncomfortable was Lizzie's relationship with Evie's father. Yes, I know this is the time when girls get their crushes, and it's not uncommon for it to be a friend's older brother, father or even a teacher. But the way her feelings for him are entwined with the disappearance of Evie and discussions of pedophilia, well, your brain can't help but connect the two. And I started to wonder why she couldn't see the similarities. Lizzie describes why she thinks someone may have abducted Evie, says she could understand how he must have felt, describing it as an all-consuming love. But in our present, it is so deeply ingrained in us that this is wrong. The feelings alone are wrong. The word 'pedophile' often seen in the same sentence as 'sick' or 'twisted'.  So how could the love be anything but? True, it's different when a young girl has a crush, but the way her feelings are described, paired with discussions of what could be happening to her friend, mix together in a way that is the epitome of "uninnocent" and disturbing.

As well as this, we see the tragic remains of a family torn apart by loss. It is raw and it is painful. There are scenes that make your heart ache. One instance in particular, where the characters are hoping that Evie has been abducted when the body of a young girl is found. I cannot even begin to imagine the frame of mind someone must be in to see abduction as a better alternative. I know the saying goes "Better to be alive than dead", but to actually get to this point, especially in these circumstances, can be nothing but heart-breaking.

On a different note, one thing I did notice about halfway through the book, was that there is very little actual dialogue. We get a few conversations with various people Lizzie meets, but almost all of the story is told through her innermost thoughts and feelings. And to do this without the readers even noticing is no small feat.

The way the tale is told draws you slowly towards what can only be described as an inevitable ending. It's almost like, somewhere in the back of your mind you knew all along. You get little whispers of it, but maybe your mind blocks you from the truth, maybe hope clouds reality, but for whatever reasons, the book could never have ended any other way. And the writing is so raw and uncompromising that you can't shield yourself against the gritty reality that is thrown at you, leaving you exposed in the dark. Never at any point in the book do you really get a sense of hope. Even if there's a break in the case, even if anything positive happens, it all feels overcast by the imposing sense of dread that never leaves, from page 1 onwards.

The book in itself is quite short, at only 246 pages, and could easily be read in a day or so. Not that this can be viewed as a criticism. In fact, the book gets across exactly what it needs to. There is no rush, no sense of urgency. The ending isn't cut short. It doesn't feel like a 250 page book. Whatever the case may be, the tale is told very well. I'm not sure if it's a book that will change your life, but you'll certainly look at the world differently once you've read it.

The ending itself is more of a conclusion in its most basic form. It answers any remaining questions, ties all the threads together and puts the last couple of pieces in the puzzle. But for me, there was no great reveal. From the very beginning, you feel like you already know the answer to the ongoing, unanswered question. Yes, there are some gaps that need filling in, but there was nothing unexpected about it. From start to finish. It's not that the book is predictable, but more that the story is told in such a way that there could never be any doubt as to how it would end.

However, apart from what I've already mentioned, while there are no real criticisms for this book, there are also no added compliments. When I think back on the text as a whole, I can't think of anything I didn't particularly like, but then there's nothing I particularly enjoyed either. It's not that the writing's bad- which is definitely isn't. Or that the story wasn't interesting. But, this book doesn't really stick out to me. It's a book that I've read, will probably reread at some point in the future, but I wouldn't feel that excitement I get when I know I'm about to read a really good book. I'm sure others will disagree and that's fine, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But for me, I don't feel like I've gained anything from reading it, but nor have I lost anything. I'm not going to say it isn't worth the read- even if I did hate it or think it was terrible in every way. I don't think I'd recommend it to a friend though. But, to be fair, I couldn't put the book down. It is definitely a page turner. Maybe, what I should say is- if you are at all interested in the story (as I was) go and get it out of the library before you think about buying it. That way there's nothing to lose, and everything to gain.